…you forget to write your blog.
The “ah ha” moment happened at 9:30 this morning while I was folding laundry and that shirt I hate was in the wash. As I folded over the words, “More people have read this shirt than read your blog,” a huge lump rose in my throat. I could’t believe I had been so busy and so exhausted from all the busyness that I completely forgot something which has become so integrated in my life. I have written a blog every weekday since the first of January. How could I forget?
While I beat myself up for a few minutes about it I also realized it was a bit of a wake up call. I have been in such a whirlwind of activity lately, most of which involved doing things for everyone but myself, that my self, my needs and my priorities had completely disappeared from my radar.
That is all part of being a grown up sometimes. We just have to attend to other people and other people’s needs and our own have to take a back seat. That is OK but it’s not OK when those things take us over so completely that depression and fatigue begin to overwhelm all else.
I had been running on auto pilot for over two weeks. A great deal of that was running to visit a family member in hospital in Hamilton and then making arrangements and preparing things for her to move to another facility. Part of it was working and trying to fit the other usual demands of life into the days and nights.
Saturday we were finally able to get our family member into a respite care facility close to home so the 2.5 hours of travel for visits were reduced to 20 minutes on the road. Friday had been a day of one mishap after another, much of which was the result of just being way to exhausted to make one more plan or one more decision. I could not think and the comedy of errors that took place is worth a whole blog of it’s own. Suffice to say I was completely finished and felt a bit like someone from Kansas had dropped a house on me. With all the tornadoes in the air it wouldn’t have been a surprise. In fact it may have been a relief.
I wasn’t done yet though. I had to fill in for our minister on Sunday morning so the sermon which had been neglected all week took precedence on Saturday afternoon. I thought and and I thought and I thought some more until my brain was sore and then I thought some more but at last the sermon rolled out of my head to fingers and onto the keyboard. I am so relieved that I serve a Creator who is bigger than my weakness.
Sunday morning the sermon was delivered and then I came home and began the slow process of disintegration which seems to befall me when a crisis is past. I slept, I cried a little, I puttered in the garden, I slept and read for a while. I was only moving because it was required to go through the motions but I believe I was numb with exhaustion. There were a few errands to run on Monday and it also beckoned with laundry which is a usual Saturday task along with the cleaning of bathrooms. The housework has been neglected for weeks and while I decided not to try to do it all in one day there were some basics which needed attention.
I was unwinding…or was it unraveling?.
We took some time for ourselves for the first time in a long while and went on our favourite date, to an auction. I bought something I have wanted and been looking to have in the bedroom for a long time and a little painting I love. It was nice to laugh and breath for a while. I guess when I got home I was so relaxed after this month – or is it two months – of tension and running that I just dropped off the planet for a while.
Thanks to both of you who missed me.