Blue Christmas

Blue ChristmasThere has been much in the news lately about children who have died recently.  A little boy from St. George Ontario stole our hearts when the whole town pitched in along with others from out of town to help give Evan Christmas in October.  His family knew he wouldn’t make it to Christmas and sadly he died the other day.

A little closer to home a local family lost their granddaughter/daughter in a car accident.  She was only one.

Another family I know is struggling to keep a son alive.  He is older and has family of his own but is very ill with cancer.  They fear the worst.

Losing people at Christmas seems to add insult to injury.  In a time which is supposed to be happy and filled with joy we tend to be overcome with the harsh reality of death.  I know from experience there is no time that is better than another to lose your child.  I also know that loss is compounded when it happens around holidays.  The day they left us, their birthdays and the special days we celebrated with them begin to carry a heaviness we would like to shed but cannot.

I wrote a blog called Blue Christmas a while back and started a Facebook Blue Christmas page to accompany it.  The page may be of help to you if you have lost anyone that you miss even more in the festive season.  Please visit the blog for some ideas of how to cope and the Facebook page for continuing support from others who understand.

In the mean time, when you are talking with people about the loss of their children or anyone else they love keep this poem in mind.  I had it on my desk after my son died and it helped people learn to talk to me and others about his death.  Maybe it will help you find better words of comfort in this very difficult season.


When you talk to me about the death of my child…

 Please, don’t ask me if I’m over it yet

I’ll never be over it.

Please, don’t tall me she’s in a better place,

She isn’t with me.

Please, don’t say at least she isn’t suffering.

I haven’t come to terms with why she had to suffer at all.

Please, don’t tell me you know how I feel,

Unless you have lost child.

Please, don’t ask me if I feel better.

Bereavement isn’t a condition that clears up.

Please don’t tell me at least you had her for so many years.

What year would choose for your child to die?

Please, don’t tell me God never gives us more than we can bear.

Please, just say you are sorry.

Please, just say you remember my child, if you do.

Please just let me talk about my child.

Please, mention my child’s name.

Please, just let me cry.



About Peggy Guiler

You just never know what show up on my blog. As the name implies it is about the stuff of life just like Spilt Milk. Everyday events spark thought and contemplation. Special events in the community, the country or the world may strike a cord and get me talking. Sometimes it's about people in my life or circumstances, sometimes about my garden, sometimes about a book or a political issue. Always it's about something I am passionate about. In my business, River of Hope Enterprises (, I work as an "Certified Coach" (International Coach Federation), a trainer, consultant and speaker. and as a spiritual director. I also drive a school bus to keep the wolf from the door while I build my business. I love the kids on the bus (most of the time). My family is grown and I have three grandkids who thrill my heart but I don't get to see any of them very often. Circumstances of life have made "family" difficult. My son died by suicide at age 16 in 2000 and the strain on our family relationships since has been huge. Mental health is a field where I worked for almost 22 years and where I still do some consulting and training. That combined with my own battle with depression and my son's death weave together to form some of my greatest soap box items: suicide intervention, suicide bereavement and peer support in mental health are right on the top of my list. Social justice is an underlying passion. Keeping the wolf from the door as a single parent was full-time work and my career path as a journalists was augmented with cleaning contracts, cooking, retail clerk, and bartending. I have known hard work and am grateful for the experience and perspective it has given me. A firmly grounded faith and a passion for learning has now taken me toward a new field as a Spiritual Director and I am soon adding to that a license to marry people. As I move toward retirement I am very aware that I have to keep working so I chose to do things which will meet my modest financial needs and also my love of supporting people in their life journey. Woven into all of this is my love of writing. Trained as a Journalist, and having worked in the field as a freelance news writer for many years, I have a great love for writing. This blog is a new beginning for me. As I hone my skills and begin to form a daily discipline of writing I hope it will lead to more writing in the future.
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2 Responses to Blue Christmas

  1. cherylward3662 says:

    Amazing work Peggy!! You have risen from so much.

  2. Thanks for your inspiration and support. It can be a difficult time for those of us who have lost a child (or any family member). I will go join your Facebook page.

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