There has been much in the news lately about children who have died recently. A little boy from St. George Ontario stole our hearts when the whole town pitched in along with others from out of town to help give Evan Christmas in October. His family knew he wouldn’t make it to Christmas and sadly he died the other day.
A little closer to home a local family lost their granddaughter/daughter in a car accident. She was only one.
Another family I know is struggling to keep a son alive. He is older and has family of his own but is very ill with cancer. They fear the worst.
Losing people at Christmas seems to add insult to injury. In a time which is supposed to be happy and filled with joy we tend to be overcome with the harsh reality of death. I know from experience there is no time that is better than another to lose your child. I also know that loss is compounded when it happens around holidays. The day they left us, their birthdays and the special days we celebrated with them begin to carry a heaviness we would like to shed but cannot.
I wrote a blog called Blue Christmas a while back and started a Facebook Blue Christmas page to accompany it. The page may be of help to you if you have lost anyone that you miss even more in the festive season. Please visit the blog for some ideas of how to cope and the Facebook page for continuing support from others who understand.
In the mean time, when you are talking with people about the loss of their children or anyone else they love keep this poem in mind. I had it on my desk after my son died and it helped people learn to talk to me and others about his death. Maybe it will help you find better words of comfort in this very difficult season.
When you talk to me about the death of my child…
Please, don’t ask me if I’m over it yet
I’ll never be over it.
Please, don’t tall me she’s in a better place,
She isn’t with me.
Please, don’t say at least she isn’t suffering.
I haven’t come to terms with why she had to suffer at all.
Please, don’t tell me you know how I feel,
Unless you have lost child.
Please, don’t ask me if I feel better.
Bereavement isn’t a condition that clears up.
Please don’t tell me at least you had her for so many years.
What year would choose for your child to die?
Please, don’t tell me God never gives us more than we can bear.
Please, just say you are sorry.
Please, just say you remember my child, if you do.
Please just let me talk about my child.
Please, mention my child’s name.
Please, just let me cry.