It’s been 16 years. I had him as long as I have been without him but somehow the pain is still deep and the wound opens again as I approach this day which reminds me of the greatest loss of my life. October 5, 2000 is the day a piece of my heart vanished.
My son was the joy of many lives, not just mine. Bryan was the embodiment of laughter and love. He was the glue which held our little family together but we did not know that until we had flown apart. His smile lit every day of his life, even the last one, but since that day smiles have been hard to find at times.
Now, 16 years later I can still hear his voice calling,me in the night. I can still hear his hearty laugh and the booming of his big feet on the stairs. I long for the peck on the cheek as he bounds past me on the porch. I want to hear his friends calling him from the yard. I wish I could hear his sisters laughing with him as they chase each other down the beach.
16 years ago Bryan ended his life and we thought ours would end too. We live on but his choice haunts ever day of our existence. If he had known how it would leave us he never would have inflicted such pain because he was a gentle and kind person. His own pain was just too much to bear. I cannot embrace his choice but I will honour it. I will also do everything within my power to see that other mothers, sisters, grandparents, and friends do not have to suffer this sort of pain again. For a glimpse at what we lost visit my picture galay on Facebook.
Learn about suicide. Learn what you can do to prevent it. If you are in that dark place please reach out for help before you made that final decision.
To help with your learning about suicide visit the Canadian Association for Suicide Prevention. If you need immediate help call your local hospital or 911.