Home Alone Too

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Photo by Peggy Guiler

There I was standing at the door.  I had received final instructions from my friends about things to take care of in their home while they vacation in Florida for four months.  The snow was falling lightly and the daylight was just beginning to soften the night.  With a quick hug and “safe travel” they were gone.  As the door closed it I was overcome with the realisation that I was alone.

It’s been almost eight years since I was alone in a house.  I had some transition time from my recent break up while I lived in houses with other people who were kind enough to take me in and make me family.  Where I am now, they are letting me live in their home while they are away for the winter.  It’s time to get myself and my finances in order so I can look for my own place.

I’ve been looking forward to being alone.  I was relishing the idea of being able to make my own schedule without having to work around anyone else.  The thought of being able to sit in silence while I read, no disturbances while writing or working or turning on the music loud while I do the dishes or have a shower was very appealing but the actual feeling of ALONE hadn’t occurred to me until I closed that door.

The face of the little boy in the Christmas movies, Home Alone, as he ran with terror home from the store, and paid the pizza delivery guy haunted my day.  I was disoriented and had a little trouble figuring out what to do next.  I took my car in for repair and was afraid the muffler needed replacing. My relief in discovering all it needed was just a little fix was huge because the reality of being truly alone was sinking in.   After a seven-month cushion of friends to support me every day, I would no longer have anyone around to talk things over with, share meals or even air with.  My chest was caving in and I had no clue what to do next.

A little nap, a meal and some stupid, romantic movies have gotten me through the rest of the day and tomorrow will be a little easier I’m sure.  The journey changes moment to moment and I look forward to what is on the horizon even though it’s all a little frightening.

 

 

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About Peggy Guiler

You just never know what show up on my blog. As the name implies it is about the stuff of life just like Spilt Milk. Everyday events spark thought and contemplation. Special events in the community, the country or the world may strike a cord and get me talking. Sometimes it's about people in my life or circumstances, sometimes about my garden, sometimes about a book or a political issue. Always it's about something I am passionate about. In my business, River of Hope Enterprises, I work as an "Associate Certified Coach" (International Coach Federation), a trainer, consultant and speaker. and soon to be, spiritual director. I also drive a school bus to keep the wolf from the door while I build my business. I love the kids on the bus (most of the time). My family is grown and I have three grandkids who thrill my heart but I don't get to see any of them very often. Circumstances of life have made "family" difficult. My son died by suicide at age 16 in 2000 and the strain on our family relationships since has been huge. Mental health is a field where I worked for almost 20 years and where I still do some consulting and training. That combined with my own battle with depression and my son's death weave together to form some of my greatest soap box items: suicide intervention, suicide bereavement and peer support in mental health are right on the top of my list. Social justice is an underlying passion. Keeping the wolf from the door as a single parent was full-time work and my career path as a journalists was augmented with cleaning contracts, cooking, retail clerk, and bartending. I have known hard work and am grateful for the experience and perspective it has given me. My own passion for learning has now taken me toward a new field as a Spiritual Director. I am studying with the Ontario Jubilee Program. This new field I believe puts all my talents with people into one place which and may​ become something I can continue into retirement. Supporting people is what I do best. Woven into all of this is my love of writing. Trained as a Journalist, and having worked in the field as a freelance news writer for many years, I have a great love for writing. This blog is a new beginning for me. As I hone my skills and begin to form a daily discipline of writing I hope it will lead to more writing in the future.
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One Response to Home Alone Too

  1. You have made me feel so grateful for my little home that I have all to myself.
    Here’s hoping that 2017 will bring you something similar – I know you will get to like your alone time! And if not there is always the phone and the internet!

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